Complex Trauma: Coping, healing and moving forward

Too often in our fast-paced society, we label people by considering their melancholy, anger issues and even delinquent tendencies as revealing of ‘who they truly are’. We assume that their behaviours are "character defects" rather than symptoms or coping mechanisms, reflecting deeper root issues such as trauma, or complex trauma.

All around us, we can see how trauma has a profound effect on our relationships, our jobs, and well-being; We all look at life through the prism of our own experiences and , sometimes what we see might trigger something deep inside of us. We may sometimes project into others challenges and perceptions that are remaining of our childhood/ teenage years internalised conflicts and issues.

To some extend, everybody is doing the best they can with the emotional baggages they have: The good things with baggages is that people can help to carry them when they are heavy and that at some point we are able to empty and drop baggages so there is hope. As a society, with awareness and empathy, we may change our perspective from blaming people for their trauma responses to understanding the underlying issues of complex trauma to better heal its root issues.

What Is Complex Trauma?

Complex trauma, as opposed to a single traumatic incident, entails a sequence of stressful events maintaining the nervous system in a hyper activation state due to the ongoing sense of danger and uncertainty; When someone experiences lengthy or recurrent traumatic events, making them feel unsafe, helpless, anxious or trapped.

Trauma is not just about what happened, it's also about how the individual interprets what happened. To understand complex trauma, we need a comprehensive approach integrating the different dimensions of each individual such as the biological, psychological, social, and spiritual aspects concerned by the traumas. For example, people who are raised in abusive home with intergenerational dysfunction, might not consider their circumstances to be traumatising because they are the norms from one generation to the other, with gaslighting presented as education. The child's reality is distorted by this deception, and manipulated into a dysfunctional dynamic using guilt, fear or other psychological/ physical tools.

Under the pretence of duty, kids may be made to perform adult duties like cleaning, cooking, raising younger siblings etc. In order to satisfy their own demands, rather than their nurturing responsibilities, strong emotional distress might be caused by the parent or caregiver figure, through manipulation, pressure and the abuse of authority. Sadly, children may feel accountable for the actions of their carer.

They overcompensate by attempting to be "good" and sacrificing their authenticity in order to gain the affection and approval of their carers; Yet, as children are not the cause of the issue, despite their best efforts, the family problem persists, resulting in a pervasive feelings of inadequacy in the child.

The coping mechanisms are the best strategies that the child has developed in order to deal with their traumatising reality.

We need to perceive the environment under a different view point to recognise the effects of trauma as this insidious type of complex trauma alters a person's psyche, influencing their reactions and coping mechanisms; which can lead to codependency, dependencies or avoidance and even dissociating behaviours.

Trauma responses & Coping mechanisms

Regaining control over our lives and healing might begin with realising that these reactions are a result of trauma.

Flight, Fight, and Freeze responses
The brain use these reactions in order to protect itself from more damage; Anger issues or rebellion are examples of the fight response, whereas avoidance or running away from conflicts are examples of the flight response. The freeze response is characterised by dissociation or shutdown.

Separation and Seclusion
Mentally cutting themselves off from their environment is another typical coping strategy used by people who are in pain to escape their feelings. This may entail isolating oneself to prevent emotional triggers or indulging activities keeping us busy to avoid feeling the pain attached to our traumas. Although these actions offer momentary solace, they frequently result in a social isolation or a lasting sense of alienation from oneself and others.

Suppression and Reduction
People may downplay their experiences or dull their feelings as a coping mechanism for trauma. Substance misuse, overindulgence in food, or self-harm are examples of strategies to numb the pain. Although these activities may appear to provide instant relief, they really reinforce the trauma by continuing a harmful cycle of self-harm.

Traumatic Memory and Amnesia
Trauma can cause memory disruption, which frequently results in memory loss or gap in memories; It is the brain attempt to keep us from events that were too traumatic to be processed.

Interesting to note that the specifics of an event and the feelings connected to it are retained in two different areas of the brain. This split can lead to situations where people experience panic attacks or overwhelming feelings with a familiar undertone to it without knowing why; Often it is the brain recalling sensations because of triggering circumstances or clues reviving the ‘feeling of the memory’ while preventing the apparence of the actual ’ image’ of the memory attached to it. Since individuals are experiencing the emotions again without the memory's context, it can be extremely frustrating and perplexing. This emotional and memory gap might lead to long-term anxiety, depression, or inexplicable emotional outbursts.

Dealing with Complex trauma

Trauma can affects a person's life in many different ways. Healing requires an understanding of the link between previous trauma and present conflicts internal or external, in our behaviours, emotions, and relationships.

People can start processing and reframing what they have been through with an approach incorporating social, psychological, biological, and spiritual healing; therefore creating more effective coping strategies that are addressing the underlying causes of complex trauma.

Those who have experienced complex trauma can rehabilitate and regain their well-being with therapy and caring support. This comprises medical treatment, counselling, social assistance, physical therapy, and spiritual activities that provide a feeling of purpose and connection.

Complex Trauma's Causes

Abusive and Dysfunctional Families
Complicated trauma is frequently caused by growing up in an abusive or dysfunctional family environment. Children in these settings frequently experience verbal and emotional abuse, uneven care, and emotional neglect. Children who have emotionally unavailable or unpredictable parents experience instability and uncertainty, which makes them in a perpetual anxious state.

Abandonment and unsecurity
A parent's physical absence because of death, divorce, or desertion, can cause complex trauma. Deep-seated fears and anxiety are brought on by the absence of a parent. Prolonged emotional uncertainty might lead to the child's continual craving for the presence of the absent parent and dread of further abandonment from loved ones as well as potential fear of intimacy alternating between anxious attachment style and avoidant attachment style.

The Twelve Necessities
The twelve needs in newborns and children that, if unfulfilled, might lead to complex trauma:

• Shelter: A secure and dependable home.

• Value: Having a sense of worth and appreciation.

• Validation: Acknowledgement and recognition of their emotions and experiences.

• Acceptance: Total acceptance of someone for who they are.

• Safety: a state of mental and physical stability.

• Consistency: Care that is dependable and predictable.

• Boundaries: Establishing definite limitations and being aware of clear house rules.

• Honesty: Being truthful and communicating in a transparent manner.

• Trust: Belief in the dependability of carers.

• Love: Empathy, affection and comfort.

• Attention: Carers must pay enough attention, be emotionally available and engage fully.

• Respect: Being treated with decency and thoughtfulness.